By Rachel Lambert
OXFORD, Miss.– Christy Pickering spent two decades in a relationship with her abusive husband before she realized she needed to leave for the safety of her children and self, and has since dedicated herself to educating college students. She will tell her story on the Ole Miss campus Wednesday at 7 p.m. in Brevard hall.
According to the NCADV, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women and one in four men have suffered violence at the hand of an intimate partner, and that women between the ages of 18 and 24 face the biggest risk. Pickering says this is why she visits college campuses.
“I made my biggest mistakes in college,” Pickering said. “I didn’t know the things I know now. And my daughter saw friends at Southern Miss who were in abusive relationships and asked me to come speak. I want these young women to learn from my mistakes. I thought my love would change him, but people don’t change unless they want to.”
The Violence Prevention Office at the university is sponsoring the lecture. Assistant Director of Violence Prevention Lindsey Bartlett Mosvick heard about Pickering and thought having her speak would be a good learning opportunity for students.
“I heard rave reviews of her presentation at Mississippi State University and researched her background,” Mosvick said. “The power of hearing a personal testimony is something that is unmatched by other types of programs. Christy has an engaging and motivating spirit that will inspire our students.”
Pickering, who is a CPA and a member of the board of trustees for the Institutions of Higher Learning, endured 21 years of abuse by her ex-husband, and says the issue often is not talked about enough. Embarrassment over the situation leads victims to remain silent.
“It’s crazy, because I am a businesswoman and all those years no one knew about the abuse,” Pickering said. “I had to get over this embarrassment so I could talk about it, because I was a strong woman and I had let myself be abused. Victims don’t want to talk about it and it keeps happening. We need to bring it out from behind closed doors and support each other.”
Relationship violence remains prevalent in the state and the nation, but Pickering believes that students can change that.
“Millenials are willing to open up and listen,” she said. “We see so much on tv about athletes who abuse their wives and girlfriends, and we see it on social media. The doors are starting to open, and its time to dig in and end it.”
Universities play a part in the prevention of violence and the healing process for victims. Ole Miss has resources like Title IX, and the Violence Prevention Office.
“Universities need to continue to get the word out about what resources are available,” Pickering said. “They need to engage and provide a non-judgmental environment, and they need to be visible on campus visiting dorms and sororities. If they do that there is no telling how many people they can help.”
Pickering plans to make the most of her time on campus and has more than just the lecture. Pickering planned a flashmob at a surprise location on the Ole Miss campus to get students excited and to spark interest about the event.
“I can’t tell you where it’ll be exactly, but it’ll be a place thats crowded between classes around noon,” Pickering said. “We are going to dance to “Break the Chain” by Mississippi artist Tena Clark, whose goal is to end violence against women globally.”
Pickering says her goal is to keep women from going through what she did and says her talks give her life purpose. Mosvick expressed her goal for violence prevention through the lecture.
“My hope is that the students on our campus have an increased awareness of domestic violence, potential warning signs for abuse, and get inspired to know that, if this has happened to anyone they know, healing will happen,”Mosvick said.
For Pickering it took seeing the impact her abuse had on her children to build up the courage to leave. She is quick to offer advice to those affected by violence in relationships.
“If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, be supportive and available,” Pickering said. “And if you’re being abused, get help. Get out. There are so many resource on campus, there are preachers. But be careful and have an exit plan.You can’t settle, and you can’t find ‘happy’ if you are unhappy and unwilling to step out.”
Rachel Lambert 